When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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