mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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