She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No stitches, just platelets and will power
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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