Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
