If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
