I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
