i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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