She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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