My nipple is on Facebook.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
