u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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