Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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