You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
