can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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