Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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