Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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