My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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