shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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