The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
