Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
