if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
