Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy sore nipples Batman
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
