If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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