haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
