he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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