oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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