last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
