I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
