she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
