small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
