your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
