I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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