I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
