I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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