This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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