I got chris browned last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
