Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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