I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
