thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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