U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
