By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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