First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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