Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
