It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
