I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
