So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
