Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
