you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
