i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
