Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You ate ashes out of my bong
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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