the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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