This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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