it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
