Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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