I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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